You know you love me
by Toren6000
Summary: With Bellwether safely behind bars, Nick Wilde, a mammal who spent his life running from his own feelings, finds himself caught in a hellstorm of emotions he cannot escape. Despite the walls he has put up, it seems a certain bunny has finally managed to put a crack into his apathetic facade. (Rated M for themes of depression, mental illness, and sexual scenes in later chapters.)
1. Chapter 1

They say that love must first be a friendship, for a castle, no matter how strong it's walls, cannot stand without a firm foundation.

And Nicholas J. Wilde knew a lot about walls.

Ever since that day he was attacked by the members of the Junior Ranger Scouts, he had put up a formidable facade of cunning and indifference to those around him. Like a mighty fortress, this wall stood against an armageddon of prejudice and racism without so much as a dent, protecting and sheltering the scared, injured mammal within.

Safe, but alone.

But with every wall, there is a crack. Perhaps too small for the likes of most, but just large enough for one, sly bunny to slip through.

It had been almost an hour since the ZPD arrived. Every officer was busy collecting evidence and marking off the place from the public, while another group of officers was busy rounding up the last of Bellwether's allies, along with the ex-mayor herself.

And not one of them could find a single, goddamn ladder in the entire museum.

A low, annoyed groan pierced the awkward silence in the bottom of the below-ground exhibit, where a fox and a rabbit were being held hostage by the forces of gravity. "Ugh, why can't they just lower a rope or something?" The smaller, grey rabbit complains, laying face-up in a patch of faux grass.

The fox, who sat on a rock nearby, shrugged and continued to watch his companion closely. "I'm pretty sure they don't want you aggrevating that cut in your leg."

"My leg will be fine, Nick." She rolls over to face him, inadvertently straining the cut, and wincing in pain.

The fox can't help but smother a laugh. "Uh-huh, and I assume those are ketchup stains then?"

The rabbit looks down at the rag wrapped around her leg; the once pink cloth had been entirely soiled by her scarlet blood. She sighed and laid back down, her ears plastered to the back of her head.

Nick saw her ears droop, and sensed something wrong; he had always been good at reading mammals. Now, he decided he had to cheer her up, something he wasn't nearly as skilled at.

The russet fox got up off the plastic rock, now bent from his weight, and strutted over to his smaller friend. He knelt upon the grass beside her and placed a paw upon her shoulder. "Carrots, drop the tough-bunny attitude, I can tell something's been bothering you."

She turns over and looks him in the eyes. Her violet irises glimmered back at him with a deep sadness, and he knew something was very wrong.

"Judy," He said, referring to her by name. "If you think I'm still mad at you for that stupid press conference, you're wrong. Even I know you were set up there; all those reporters were prey mammals, and one of them was a ram! I'm pretty sure they were-"

Judy raised a paw to silence him. "No, Nick. It's not that…"

Nick met her amethyst eyes with his emeralds, and a short silence follows. Nothing is said, but something deep down, hidden from them both, was tryng desperately to be said.

But before either mammal could speak, the booming voice of Cheif Bogo splits the silence. "Hopps," He calls, knelt over the hole with a clipboard at his hip. "We found the maintenance ladder; the paramedics are coming with it now, so hold tight."

Judy smiles and nods. "Thank you, Cheif." She salutes to him as she turns back to Nick, laying back down onto the grass.

In the minutes following, the two mammals were carried out of the museum and transported to the nearest hospital in a shared ambulance ride, Judy on the stretcher and Nick on the bench. Both are left to ponder what may have transpired if the chief had not intervened, and what premature secrets may have poured from her lips had the buffalo been too slow to retrieve them...

* * *

Nick had been the first to be released from the doctors care, having suffered little more than some minor bruising from the tumble he and Judy took to escape the death-trap or rails. Judy, however, had suffered a severe injury, and was currently getting sewn back up with the help of the kind doctors. In the meantime, nick could only wait for his trusty bunny to be cleaned up, and the doctor to clear him to see her.

The nurse had been kind enough to lend him a clipboard and some paperwork to occupy his time, though he had already made up his mind to provide false info. Thanking the white-tailed deer doe behind the desk, most likely an intern from how young she seemed, he walked to a seat in the lobby and began the menial trial of his patience that was hospital waiting rooms.

Other than a few chairs, a muted television displaying some paid programming, and the constant ticking of the clock, the only other occupants of the room were a single, female otter passed out on the nearby couch, and a mother rabbit with her kit, whom was gleefully playing with a wire-and-ring toy.

The russet fox paid little mind to his surroundings, filling out his paperwork in silence, until a twitch of his ear picked up the sound of the childs disappointed mumbling, followed by the mother marching quickly to the counter, her face alight with outrage.

_Aaaand, here we go,_ Nick thought to himself as he kept his ears peeled to the, no doubt, entertaining conversation to follow.

"Is something the matter, miss?" The doe behind the counter said with a smile, oblivious to the mothers blind rage.

"You know damn well what's the matter; There's a damned predator in here!" The mother spoke with hushed fury, as if she were pretending to keep herself unheard, but wanting to make it clear to Nick all the same that he was, in fact, not welcome.

"I-I'm sorry, is that a problem?" The doe said, turning her gaze to Nick, as if pleading for him to speak up, or perhaps to just dissappear.

"What do you think? That… That thing could go savage any second! I will not let his kind be near my child," She stated, loud and clear enough for Nick to overhear, almost intentionally. _Yeah, I get the point, Karen,_ Nick thought to himself, his irritation manifesting in the grip on his pen tightening.

"I demand that you get him out of here before he mauls someone!" The mother continued, not even trying to hide her frustration anymore as the receptionist frantically tried to explain that they couldn't ask the fox to leave due to various rules, laws and regulations. The mother was having no more of it, and finally gave one last outburst.

"You lot ought to throw a muzzle on that fox; His kind can't be trusted!"

Before he could even register his own movements, Nicks hands had dropped to his side, clipboard and pen clenched tightly in his fist as he stood, his chair inching backwards and stopping the room with a loud scoot across the linoleum. Silence loomed in the air as the fox approached the desk, both mammals frozen with fear, until he stopped just short of the desk itself.

Nick calmly placed the clipboard on the counter, pushing it to the receptionist with a single pad of his paw. "Here you go. I'll be waiting in front of room 216 for my friend to finish with her stitches."

Turning on his heel without another word, he marched to the hall to make his way towards his destination. As he passed through the light-blue double doors to the hallway, he could just barely make out the mother spitting him one last passing comment.

"He's probably the one who gave her those stitches…"

* * *

Nick had fought hard to keep the tears from flowing as he sat against the wall, his eyes closed as he thought to himself over all that had transpired, and why it stung so badly.

The constant prejudice and hatred from being a predatory species was certainly part of the issue, but over the past three months after that horrid press conference, he had simply gotten used to the barrage of hate speech flying his direction; After all, it changed very little, other than those mammals who despised him before now being more vocal about it.

The muzzle comment was certainly what made him decide to leave, as it struck a resounding chord with him and his childhood trauma. However, similar comments had been made, and he would simply leave the situation, and go about his day.

Still, something she said was sticking to him like a mouse caught in a glue trap, refusing to let go of his mind and slowly suffocating him.

He wanted to cry; He wanted to scream, bawl, yell, curse, anything to relieve his internalized emotional breakdown, but he couldn't bring himself to let anything out, despite being utterly alone. _I'm not going to be a crybaby, _he silently scolded himself.

Soon enough, as if sensing his inner turmoil growing, and coming to save him from his self-destructive spiral, the doctor, a well-groomed possum, opened the door to find the russet fox sitting slumped against the wall.

"Mr…" The possum took a moment to adjust his spectacles as he viewed his clipboard. "...Wilde?"

Nick just nodded as he quickly stood up, quickly hiding all evidence of his turmoil with a forced smile and a quick response. "In the flesh; You need an autograph?"

The possum, not one for games, got straight to the point. "Ms. Hopps is currently recovering, but she had hoped to see you before you left; I believe she had something important to say."


	2. Chapter 2

The untamed forest. A haven for beasts, and a hellish prison for the weak. A constant game of survival, where the meager fall, and the savage feed.

She knew not how she ended up here, but Judy was in a tight spot, pinned to the ground by a green-eyed monster. Her clothes were torn to shreds by the claws of her assailant, leaving her body naked and exposed. The monster that pinned her gazed on with feral aggression as she lay helpless to stop him.

The russet fur of the beast stood on end as his tongue lulled out of his mouth, tasting his meal as his pink, fleshy tongue glides up her midrif, across her bosum to her vulnerable neck, where he drops his jaw to wrap his razor sharp incisors around her throat, dangerously close to her jugular.

And yet, through this, she felt no instinct to flee, nor to fight. Instead, her body is limp, helpless to her aggressor. She felt not fear, nor anguish; her body tingled with the unfamiliar tingle of pleasu-

"Carrots," spoke a familiar voice.

Judy woke with a start, her body tense as her dream faded into reality. She found herself in a hospital room, cool and sanitary, with the smell of cleaning chemicals harshly contrasting the scent of the jungle she had envisioned herself in just seconds before. Beside her sat a rather tired fox, his piercing emerald eyes fixed on her; her friend, Nick Wilde.

"Sorry, did I doze off?" she said, her voice still shaky from the afterimage of her dream.

"For a good half-hour, yeah," he responded. "I didn't want to wake you, but you started groaning and shaking. It looked like you were having a nightmare."

Her face turned a gentle shade of pink as she realized she had fallen asleep in the middle of their conversation. "O-oh, yeah. A nightmare…"

The room was silent as the two mammals turned their gazes to other objects within the room; The television, the window, the clock, anything but eachother. Finally, Nick cleared his throat, and broke silence.

"So, you told the doctor you wanted to speak with me?" His eyes remained on the clock as he spoke, watching the seconds tick by into the evening. 9:37…

"Yeah, I did." She responded, her throat dry as she tried to construct her next words. "When I filled out my contact info, I… kinda put you down as my emergency contact."

The statement hung in the air as the room fell silent once more. Nick, expecting her explaination, motioned with his paw for her to continue.

"I don't really have any family in the city, or really anyone else I can crash with; I don't even have a place of my own here. Sure I can call my parents to come get me, but if they found out I was injured, I'd never hear the end of that one." She could only chuckle at her last remark as Nick cracked a smile. She half expected him to make a snide remark about 'emotional bunnies', but to her surprise, he remained quiet.

"I guess what I'm saying is…" She braced herself for a moment before speaking. "Can I stay at your place for a few days? At least until I get my apartment back, then I'll get out of your fur, sorry for puttingthis on you I totally should have asked before I-" Judy's quick descent into a nervous, ranting wrck was halted by Nick's paw, quickly silencing her.

"Judy, of course you can stay at my place. I already gave the doctors my info, I just need to get everything ready." Words couldn't express the feeling of warmth and security he gave her when he spoke her name; Unlike Carrots, Fluff, or god forbid 'Officer Toot-toot', when he spoke her name like that, so gentle and caring, she couldn't help but smile, knowing he truly cared about her in that moment.

"Thank you," Judy said, her voice weak with fatigue from the day's events.

"Don't mention it, Carrots." He said, quickly getting up from his seat, switching back to nicknames. "If that's it, I need to head home and get ready to pick you up tomorrow morning." He says, walking to the door as he flipped the light off for her.

Judy was already way ahead of him, already drifting into the embrace of sleep as he walked to the door. "Goodnight, Nick," she mumbled as her heavy eyes closed shut.

Nick paused for only a moment in the doorframe as he looked back on the sleeping bunny. His eyes were fixed to her features; The subtle twitching of her nose as she slept, the way her ears fell contentedly limp on the pillow above her head, the way her lips gently parted as she breathed, as if inviting a lover to plant their own…

Nick shook his head, and quickly strolled out of the room, silently closing the door behind him without a second thought. Whatever put those thoughts in his head, even for just a second, he didn't like…

Nick passed the receptionist again on the way out of the hospital, only sparing her a passing glance as her eyes cautiously followed him to the door. The rabbit from before, along with her son, were nowhere to be found. The otter, who had been sleeping on the couch was now sitting up, looking down at her hands, only looking up to the doors as Nick left the ward, as if she were expecting someone else.

Nick stepped out into the parking lot of the hospital as a gentle rain began to fall, dampening his fur and making the cool, mid-autumn evening that much colder. He popped his collar to sheild the back of his neck from the rain as he began to walk.

His mind wandered back to the past three months. Since the day Judy had publicly ousted predators as dangerous mammals, the city had been even more uninviting, not only for him, but for every predator that called Zootopia their home. Many of his friends, including himself, had been publicly shamed simply for their status as "Predator". Unemployment rates skyrocketed as many predators lost their jobs, and the slums and alleys quickly filled with predatory mammals, from the tallest tiger, to the smallest tod.

Many anti-pred groups rose from the woodworks to rally for action. Some wished for segregation of the preds from the prey. Others rallied for mandatory use of muzzles in public, which Nick despised the thought of. Some outright petitioned to have all predators exiled from Zootopia.

Worst of all were the stories of a group from the west of Zootopia, out in the farmlands near Podunk, that called themselves the "Ku Klawx Klan". Though their public rallies and marches were legal, the fact that many different predators from the area had recently been found lynched in the woods told a far more grim story of their murderous practices. Though no physical evidence could be found of their involvement, every predator in the area knew to lock their doors at night.

Nick took a deep breath as he kept walking the streets of Zootopia, reaching into his pocket to retieve a pack of Mawboro cigarettes, opening the red packaging and removing a long, 100 length fag from the box directly into the corner of his muzzle. Flicking a lighter to light his cigarette, he inhales the harsh tobacco smoke, filling his lungs with the poison.

With a deep sigh, he lets out his drag, the nicotine calming his thoughts and nerves as he reaches into his pocket to retireve his phone, placing a call to an old friend.

The dial tone rings once… twice… the ringing blaring in Nick's ear until a click as the call is answered, his voice laid back and deep. "Thank you for calling Mystic Spring Oasis, this is Yax speaking, how can I help you?"

Nick immediately put on his confident, sly mask as he spoke. "Yax, my man, my muse; It's your old pal, Nick. I'd love to chat for a bit, but I need to call in a favor…"


	3. Chapter 3

**A quick note to my readers before we continue...**

**I'd like to apologize for my lack of presence these past few months, as I was dealing with many personal issues that have since been rectified. Hopefully, I can return to a regular upload schedule once this chapter goes online.**

**Furthermore, yes, Nick smokes. I have my reasons for this narrative decision that will be revealed in coming chapters, but I'd like to state that I do not condone the act of smoking, and my attempt is not to glorify the act of smoking in any way. Don't smoke, kiddos.**

**With that taken care of, please enjoy the third chapter of You know you love me!**

* * *

The smell of lingering cleaning chemicals. The oppressive florescent lighting. The sounds of coughing and an ever-present feeling of dread that hung over the two mammals as they left the hospital were all things that neither would miss.

The hospital had discharged Judy just hours prior, prescribing her the usual treatment for such an injury; Antibiotics, crutches, and her worst nightmare, limited physical activity for the next week. Rabbits were active mammals, she protested, but the decision was final.

The rabbit wore a scornful look on her face as she was wheeled out of the front doors in a wheelchair, Nick pushing her along through the parking lot. Neither mammal spoke as he helped her up into the passenger side seat, placing the crutches into the trunk and walking around to the driver's seat.

"I feel transgressed and violated..." Judy finally says, looking down at her half-shaven leg as her vulpine friend started up the engine.

"Really? I think the look suits you quite well, Carrots," Nick replies with his usual smug grin, pulling out of the hospital gates and navigating them to the other side of Sahara square. Thankfully, he had arrived to pick her up early that morning, so traffic was minimal.

Despite the dirty look Judy had flashed him from the comment on her leg, the first few minutes of the car ride were silent. The buildings towered above the two, landmarks that still held a sense of freedom and opportunity for Judy, but looked like nothing more than the bars of a prison cell for the fox beside her.

Inside her head, Judy began to replay the events leading up to this moment, her mind wandering back to the moment she had caused such a divide between her and Nick. The press conference had been a blur to her in the moment, the flashing of cameras and constant barrage of questions, but hindsight held mercy, and spared no detail in her mistakes.

From that moment, the day she saw her newest, and most treasured friend and ally walk out those doors, the days had been harder than any before. Though she had made her mark in life, and finally achieved her dream, she felt nothing but a lingering dread, and an overwhelming loneliness.

The riots, the protests, the attacks, all of it ensured she had no time to sulk as she had been on-duty more often than not. Seeing mammals turn on eachother, such atrocities and hatred weighed on her fragile heart, until she could take no more. She resigned from the force in front of Bogo and Bellwether, unable to repent for her mistakes in any other way than to forfeit her lifelong dream.

Her parents had never been more excited to see her home, her father especially so, now that the "damned preds" were such an issue in the city. Had she the energy to spare, she would have told him just how wrong he was, but she surrendered to him, and spent the preceeding three months in her room, wondering how she'll ever recover.

The months went by in a blur, dragging on in her mind as it swirled with miserable thoughts and her deep, aching guilt, wondering why she could have said such hateful things in front of the mammal she would have trusted her very life with. The monotony of working on her parents farm did little to distract her, and even her only escape out in the country, her music, only seemed to worsen her guilt and sadness, until the day that sweet tod Gideon came by with his pies, and the answer to her ever-lingering question.

"Carrots?" That familiar voice once again bringing her back from her own memories, melting her fear and self-doubt away with his gentle tone.

"Oh, yeah, I'm listening." She replies, an utter lie.

He flashes her a knowing smirk before returning to his driving. "Were you? Then you wouldn't mind reading the passage to the class, would you?" He says, mimicking a teacher who caught his student daydreaming.

"Not funny, Slick." She replies, returning her gaze to the road ahead. They were deep into Sahara Square by now, moving along at a decent pace to their destination. Judy had half expected someone like Nick to be using Low-Income housing on Foxtrot.

In fact, she wondered just how he was doing in a city with so much against him, and with such incredible odds stacked against his very survival. There was no doubt Bellweather would have had eyes on him, if only to eliminate those with the capability to unearth her plot; It was nothing short of a miracle that he remained unharmed.

"You're daydreaming again." Nick interjected her thoughts once more, this time calling her out on her wandering thoughts outright.

She responded with an exhausted, resigned sigh. "Sorry, Nick. The past three months weren't easy, what with protecting the city, moving back home, and then coming all the way out here to find you."

The fox beside her did his best to keep eye contact with her as he kept cognizant of the traffic. "I know, Carrots. How did you find me, anyways? I know for a fact you weren't just leisurely strolling through the park to get some fresh air."

"Fennick told me where I could find you. He said you were probably hanging out under the bridge on the north side of Temperate park."

Nick rolled his eyes upon hearing the diminutive fox's mention. "I'll be sure to thank him later, then." He says to himself, taking mental note to chew him out for breaking his promise, even if it improved the situation in the end.

Judy looked out the window once more, taking in the scenery. However, it all seems just a bit too familiar, how the taller building had all receded into residential suites and country clubs; Surely Nick didn't live in the luxurious spaces rented out here… Did he?

"Uhh, Nick? Where exactly do you live anyways? Where are you taking me?" She asks, as he interest is piqued, to which Nick only smirks. Not a good sign…

"Oh, don't worry; You'll see when we get there. However, I do need to warn you, I've only really got the _bare_ necessities."

She would have taken his statement at face value, but the way he was smiling, the way he put extra emphasis on the word "Bare", all of it just seemed suspicious to her. And then it clicked…

Oh no…

They turned the block around an apartment complex, revealing the front of that familiar building.

No no no...

Judy's eyes went wide as they pulled into the parking lot, Nick keeping that sly grin plastered on his face as his bit of playful revenge is set in motion.

Sweet cheese and crackers, Nick, WHY!?

Nick laughed to himself in his head as he watched her suspicion evolve into fear, and finally dread over the course of seconds, fighting back the urge to laugh at her disdain for the place they had just arrived at.

"What's wrong?" He teases, opening the door. "I thought you loved coming to Mystic Spring Oasis!"


End file.
